Purpose
by TamaraJagellovsk
Summary: What if Frigga had known Loki survived the fall from the rainbow bridge? Would Thor have gotten to him in time?
1. Chapter 1

In the middle of a conversation with her son Frigga suddenly freezes, her eyes focused on nothing. Thor reaches for her.

"Mother? What is it?"

"Loki," Frigga whispers, her eyes wide.

"He's gone, mother. I dream of him too, but that won't bring him back."

"You've had dreams of your brother? Tell me!"

"I'm not a witch. My dreams don't mean anything."

"Tell me!"

Surprised at her forceful tone Thor raises his eyebrows.

"Please," she adds more gently.

* * *

When Frigga tells Odin about her visions and Thor's dreams, he sighs.

"That's a mother's grief talking. You _want_ him to be alive, but it's futile."

"What about a _father_'s grief? You're surprisingly quick to accept his death!"

They stare at each other, both of them shocked. Frigga takes a breath.

"I'm sorry. I know it sounds like madness, but..."

"No. _I'm_ sorry. I don't know where to start though. There are no records of anyone falling from the rainbow bridge. Where would they go, and is it even possible to survive that fall?"

"He might be outside the nine realms."

Odin nods in understanding.

"I'll tell Heimdall to look for him."

* * *

Frigga spends hours at a time in her quarters, deep in meditation, reaching out for her lost son. Sometimes she can feel him, but he slips through her fingers within seconds. She's been trying to speak to him, but there's no way of knowing if he can hear her. One thing she's absolutely sure of though: Loki is alive.

The first time she manages to establish a connection that doesn't cut off right away she doubles over in pain. Pain! So much pain! And fury. And fear. Loki is fighting for his life.

Frigga loses him and there's nothing. She panics. Did she just witness her younger son's death? It can't be. She tries to find him again but there's nothing. She tries again and again until Thor enters her room.

"Mother! What's wrong?"

Frigga is deadly pale, sweating, and there are circles under her eyes so dark they look almost black.

"I found him. He's alive. Or he was."

"What? What is that supposed to mean?"

"I don't know. I lost him. Either he lost consciousness or—or he's gone. But I'd found him, Thor."

"Where? Where is he? How do we get to him?"

Frigga's eyes fill with tears.

"You'd go? Find him and bring him home?"

"Of course! Where is he?"

Frigga pulls back and takes a breath.

"I don't know. It's possible that he doesn't know himself."

"Can't you locate him via your connection? Even if he isn't aware of his location?"

"I think I can, yes. If I can maintain it long enough."

"How long?"

Frigga shakes her head.

"I don't know. There are so many unknown factors..."

"And you'll feel everything he feels while it lasts."

"Yes."

Thor takes his mother's hands.

"How can I help?"

Frigga is about to say that he can't, not until she's found out his brother's location, but then she has an idea.

* * *

"Ready?"

Thor smiles at her. It's a grim, brave smile. A warrior's smile in the face of battle. He just nods. Frigga takes his hands and closes her eyes, and then she reaches out to where she's last felt Loki. She connects immediately. Thor's eyes fly open and he gasps in shock, letting go of his mother's hands. Frigga loses her connection.

"I'm sorry," Thor says between clenched teeth.

"It's all right. We can find him again. Thank the norns he's alive."

She rubs her thumb over the back of Thor's hand.

"Are you all right?"

"I didn't expect it to be this—"

"Intense?"

"Real. I thought it would be like watching him on a screen or something."

"I'm sorry I didn't prepare you properly." She sighs. "No. It's not watching. It's feeling. Hearing. _Being_. I understand if you don't want to go there."

"I do. I'll help you carry the load so you can last long enough. We're in this together, mother."

So when Frigga reestablishes the connection, Thor holds his breath and keeps his body still. And the next thing he feels, they both feel, is pain. A lot of pain and a lot less fury than the last time. Thor opens his eyes and nods once. The pain intensifies as he takes some of if off his mother. She relaxes slightly and focuses on anything that could help them find Loki. The pain is coming from Thor's face, his temple, his cheekbone, his mouth. Someone has beaten him. It's over, but the pain throbs with every heart beat. And then, all of a sudden, the pain flares up again, new agony, fresh blood. He can taste it, smell it, feel it run down his chin and neck, and something ugly creeps into his soul. Despair. He fights it down, reaches for his anger, and a string of insults runs through his mind. He can't tell if he's thinking them or saying them out loud, but the brutality of the beating he's taking explodes and all conscious thoughts stop. Survival. That's the only thing left on his mind, and then that's gone, too.

Frigga opens her eyes and lets go of Thor's hands.

"I don't think he knows," she says. She's exhausted. "I'll have to try something else."

"You'll have to rest first."

"You've felt what he's going through! How can I rest?"

"Please. Gather your strength. Let _me_ rest a little. And then we'll try again."

* * *

The next time they find Loki, everything is eerily calm. No pain. No thoughts. He's there, but his mind isn't doing anything.

"That's not possible," Frigga whispers.

"What did they do to him?"

"I have no idea. It looks like they might have found a way to access his mind. The way I do when we talk to each other telepathically."

"Can you do that? I mean now?"

Frigga shakes her head.

"I tried. I don't think he can hear me."

She focuses on Loki's essence, trying to reach it, touch it, nudge it. Nothing. When nothing works she gets so frustrated she practically lashes out. And suddenly Loki is there. Awake. But she barely recognises him. Thor feels it, too. He doesn't dare to speak.

"Loki," Frigga whispers, "can you hear me?"

'Of course I can hear you.' His mental voice sounds wrong. Distorted. Unstable.

'It's me, Frigga.'

_Disgust._

'How stupid do you think I am? Coming to me in the form of my mother. Pretending to be the only person who's ever loved me. What do you think you'll achieve? You'll have to do better than that. Have you run out of monsters and nightmares already?'

_Understanding. Terror._

'No. Please no. Don't. Please don't use her to torment me. I'll take anything you want to do to me but please don't wear _her_ face. Please.'

Frigga is shaking. Thor tightens his grip on her. She takes a deep breath.

'Please Loki. It's really me. Thor is with me. We're trying to help you.'

Laughter.

'See this is where you're giving yourself away. Next you'll tell me my father is worried to death about me.'

After that Loki doesn't react to anything Frigga says. But something has changed, as if another presence is there with them. Cold. Frigga and Thor feel cold and exposed, vulnerable and powerless. And then they can feel their own minds yield and go blank. All hope it's gone. The suffering will never end. Obedience is the only option.

Frigga forces the connection to rip. It's inelegant and painful, but it's effective. Thor is staring at her.

"What just happened?"

She's trying to clear her head.

"Whoever is holding him captive can control Loki's mind. We have to get him out of there. He'll break. He's fighting, but eventually he'll break. And nobody knows what he'll be capable of once that has happened."

"But we still don't know..."

"No. But I'll find a way. Talking to him doesn't help our cause. We'll just have to keep up the connection long enough for me to find him."

"But where do we start?"

"Heimdall says he can't see him."

"Outside the nine realms then?"

"Outside time or space maybe."

Thor's fist hits the wall.

"That's impossible. How can we ever hope to find him?"

"I will."

Frigga straightens.

"He's my son, and I will not stand back and idly wait while he's being destroyed. I will find him, and we will bring him home."

* * *

"I think I know how to find your brother. I'll need your help, I have no idea how long it will take, and we can under no circumstances allow the connection to break."

Thor just squares his shoulders.

"When do we start?"

Frigga affectionately smiles at her older son.

"I'm glad you're here."

* * *

When everything is prepared, Thor and Frigga sit down in her quarters and take each others hands.

"Whatever happens, hold on to me. Both physically and mentally."

Thor nods.

"If we lose him, or each other..." Thor's voice trails off.

"We won't. Trust me. I need you to lean on but we can do this. Do you trust me?"

Thor starts to smile.

"With my life."

"Good."

They find Loki relatively fast, but his essence is almost unrecognisable. What they feel is a pain so universal that it's hard to tell if it's physical or emotional or psychological, or all of that. He's exhausted, broken bones, bleeding wounds, severely malnourished and dehydrated. He hasn't been allowed to rest in a long time. And he's empty. There is no fight left in him. He's waiting.

"What are you waiting for, brother?" Thor whispers.

'Purpose.'

Thor's head snaps up.

"Mother? Did you...?"

Frigga just nods, her face set in concentration.

"Almost," she whispers.

'I am waiting to be given a purpose, and once I have it, I will fight for it with my last breath.'

Thor shudders, realising what a formidable man his brother is. What a foe he would make. What a horrible weapon his mind could be if it was unleashed. What if he's beyond help? What if they will have to face off against each other? Would he be able to fight his own brother? Would he even be capable?

"It's done," Frigga whispers, and then her body sags. The connection cuts off. Thor catches his mother just in time before her head hits the floor.

* * *

When she's come to she starts giving instructions right away.

"Shouldn't you be resting?" Thor asks carefully.

"We don't have much time. I'll have to find a rift between the dimensions and establish a portal in the right place."

"Woah wait, he's in another dimension?!"

"Yes. The portal needs to be stabilised, but there's an artefact in the vault that will help me do that. Once the portal is stable you'll step through. Take Mjölnir in case you have to fight but try to be as stealthy as possible. Make haste. Loki might not have much time left, and I won't be able to keep the portal open forever. I'll monitor you in case I have to disguise or veil you."

She pauses.

"Bring your brother home, Thor. And be careful. He might be far gone."

"Do you think he'll come willingly? Will he recognise me? Will he understand that I want to help him?"

Frigga shakes her head with a sad expression.

"There's no way of knowing until you find him. You might have to take him against his will."

'Nobody takes my brother against his will,' Thor wants to say, but the truth is he doesn't know how much of Loki's will is still intact.

* * *

When Thor emerges from the portal he starts shivering at once. It's freezing cold and pitch black. A soft glimmer of golden light appears at his shoulder and helps him to see. He suppresses the impulse to turn back and smile at his mother. It's reassuring to know that she can see him though. The light acts as a guide, hovering over him and showing him the way. And then it suddenly disappears. Thor reaches for Mjölnir, but then he realises the light has floated around a corner. When he steps around the edge of the rock he can feel his brother's presence, and the light shows him Loki's still body, chained to a wall of rock, slack and motionless, his head hanging, his messy hair hiding his face. Thor needs a moment to collect himself, but the golden light grows brighter and dims again. It seems to tell him to hurry up, and so he steps closer.

"Loki," he murmurs, "brother, I'm here."

No reaction. He gently lifts his brother's head and instantly feels sick. He's seen his fair share of battle wounds, but this is different. These are wounds deliberately dealt to cause pain and suffering, viciously dealt to a prisoner, a man unable to defend or even protect himself. Evidence of torture. And Loki is conscious.

"Loki," Thor tries again.

Loki looks at him, his eyes blank, waiting.

"Brother, it's me, Thor."

"What do I have to do?"

"Nothing, Loki. You don't have to do anything. I'm here to get you home."

The word doesn't seem to mean anything to Loki, but he nods weakly.

"As you wish," he says, his usually silver voice dull and toneless.

Anger rises in Thor's chest, but he pushes it back down. It takes all his strength to break Loki's chains, but eventually he manages it. The moment they give way Loki falls forward, and he catches his brother against his body. Loki weighs nothing, and that's even more alarming than the bruises on his face and body, almost as terrifying as his strange reactions. Thor takes his brother's slack body in his arms like a young child's. Oh how Loki would hate and protest this if he was himself.

"Let me get you home, brother," Thor whispers, tears stinging his eyes. The golden light guides them back and the portal is still open, their mother's slender silhouette visible on the other side. The moment the brothers come through Frigga closes the portal and sinks to her knees.

"Is he—?"

"He's alive," Thor says and gently puts Loki down on the bed. "Barely, but we did it. I'm not sure if we did it in time though."

Frigga sits down on the edge of the bed and studies her son's face. He's staring at her just as blankly as he did at Thor.

"Loki, listen to me. Listen!"

"I'm listening."

She leans her forehead against his and opens their age old connection, waiting for him to grant her access, and then she realises that there's nothing there. No barrier. He has no control over who gets into his mind. He's wide open and vulnerable and unprotected. Her guarded, controlled son has no defences left. Her first instinct is to retreat, respect his privacy, but all of a sudden there's a mental image. Not quite a memory, more like an echo. Three year old Loki holding his arms out to be hugged, and with a sob she does, pulling him into her arms.

'We'll get through this, Loki. Together. You're no longer alone.'

It takes forever, but finally she can hear his genuine mental voice in her head, low and pained and insecure, but unmistakably Loki:

'Mother? Am I safe?'

She starts to smile, tears running down her cheeks.

'Yes, you are. You're home. You're safe.'

She sends for the healers, but she never lets go of her son while they wait.


	2. Chapter 2

Thor pays his brother a visit.

"You look better."

"I'm getting there."

Loki is playing with the cuff of his shirt.

"I've never said thank you, have I?"

Thor makes a dismissive gesture, but Loki goes on:

"You saved me. Either my life or my sanity. Both, I think, actually. Thank you."

Thor just nods once. After a moment's hesitation he softly asks:

"What did he do you?"

Loki takes a deep breath. He feels that he owes Thor an answer, so he starts talking, reluctantly, low, without making eye contact.

"He emptied me. Carved me out until nothing was left, and then he made me wait. I started craving this purpose he kept promising me. If you hadn't come for me, I would have embraced it and given it my everything."

Thor feels a shudder down his spine.

"Do you know what it was going to be?"

Loki shakes his head.

"No. But I assume it would have been an attack on Asgard. You and I would have faced each other on a battle field, and you would have destroyed me, defending your home."

"Or you would have defeated me."

"Don't." Loki holds up his hands. "I _have_ to believe that you would have won."

Thor takes a step closer.

"That might have meant your death. By my hands."

"Yes. And I would have embraced that, too."

Thor let's his gaze wander over his brother's face and body. He's still holding himself stiffly, his usual grace not yet fully restored, the bruises on his skin fading only slowly.

"Mother thinks you're back to your own self. That's not true, is it?"

Loki straightens and looks him in the eyes, open, determined.

"I'm not a threat to Asgard, brother."

"That's not what I meant."

Loki just keeps looking at him.

"I meant you haven't really shaken off what happened to you. Maybe you never will."

Loki swallows, and after a moment he nods.

"The echo if it. The scars on my soul. The shadow in the back of my mind. That will stay with me, I think. I'll never be the same as before."

"I'm sorry, Loki. Sorry I didn't get to you sooner. Sorry I couldn't punish him for what he did to you. Sorry I couldn't prevent your fall in the first place."

"That's not your fault. I let go."

"Yes but why? Why would you do that?"

"Because I had no reason to hold on."

"Oh brother. Do we mean so little to you? Me? Mother? Our people?"

"They're not my people. You're not my family."

Thor flinches as if Loki had hit him.

"You're my brother. That will never change. Our parents might not be your birth parents but we're still family. I love you. I just left my dimension to get you home! This realm's most powerful sorceress opened a freaking rift in reality to get you home."

"That's not how that works."

Thor starts grinning.

"Now _that_ is my brother."

"What, are you going to hug me?"

"If you let me."

"I might stab you."

"No. You won't."

"How do you know?"

"Because I trust you."

After that Loki doesn't say anything for a long time.

"That might not be the wisest decision, brother," he finally murmurs.

"I've never been known for my intelligence."

Loki ignores the light-hearted tone.

"I tried to kill you on Midgard."

Thor straightens.

"Right. Why did you?"

Loki drops his gaze.

"I was determined to keep the throne. It felt... safe. You coming home would have meant you'd take it back, most probably over my dead, Jotun body. No rightful king of Asgard can tolerate a monster on the golden throne."

Thor sighs.

"Oh Loki. That's not what you are. I'm sorry father didn't tell you the truth. You deserved to know. And I didn't want to fight you. I never have. If I ever sit on that throne I hope with all my heart that you will be there to help me."

Loki stares at him.

"You'd want me on your side?"

"I'll be lost without your advice and support."

Loki's silver tongue turns to lead, his mind unable to process that. Thor gives him a smile.

"_Now_ I am going to hug you."

And Loki lets him, stiff and awkward at first, but then he takes a deep, uneven breath and relaxes against his brother's broad chest, his arms coming up to hug Thor back.

"I swear if you say anything cheesy I _will_ stab you," Loki mumbles, and Thor starts laughing.

"My lips are sealed, little brother," he says as he eventually lets go. He thinks there might be a tear on Loki's cheek, but the god of thunder is very aware of how little his life would be worth if he dared to comment on it.


End file.
